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To form a social life an important step is to take the initiative to try to make plans with potential friends, and not to wait around and hope they invite you out first. Some people say they're not exactly sure how to ask someone to hang out. This article will give a bunch of examples of different ways to do that. Some people who are new to inviting people out worry that they'll get rejected and be seen as creepy or desperate if they don't word their request in the exact right way.

The specific phrasing you use is a small factor in whether someone will accept or not. What's more important is if they like your company, and if the get together you're proposing works for them. Similarly, don't fret if some of the examples below seem like something you could never say.

For one, conversation examples often seem clumsy. If you find yourself reading the ideas below and thinking, "Oh, I couldn't say that. People have successfully invited friends out using all the variations I lay out below. You may want to check out this article: If you're arranging a larger gathering you can naturally also use a mix of these methods.

I'd say one isn't better than the others. Of course, text messages can hit more people at once, and creating a Facebook event thread creates a spot where people can discuss and coordinate the plan. Again, what will really determine whether people accept is if they think they activity will be fun and that it fits their schedule, not if you invite them out in person or through a text message.

However you invite someone out, ask in a tone that suggests, "It'd be great if you came, but if not, no worries. This isn't to say you need to be paranoid about seeming desperate and needy. Inviting people out is just a friendly social thing to do. But still, phrase your invitation in a casual way. About three times, especially if they haven't made any effort to invite you to anything themselves.

If you give it three tries and they haven't accepted you can conclude they either aren't interested or they're legitimately too busy. You often won't know which it is, as most people will make polite excuses rather than reject someone to their face. Either way, you should direct your friend-making energy elsewhere.

Not everyone you seem to click with will be up for a closer relationship. The 'about three tries' rule is simplistic, and sometimes accidentally screens out people who could have been friends, but just happened to have other plans each time you invited them out. However, if someone really wanted to befriend you they'd find a way.

Most of the time the rule keeps you from wasting too much time on people who aren't a good fit. Note that just because someone isn't up for a closer friendship with you, it doesn't necessarily mean they totally hate you. They may like chatting to you at work or at larger get togethers, but just don't think you have quite enough in common to be tighter one-on-one buddies. You don't have to start avoiding them completely. You can stay friendly on a more casual level. Even though it's a really common way for two friends to spend time together, inviting someone to hang out one-on-one for the first time often makes people the most nervous.

What if they say no? What if the person agrees to go out, but then things are awkward and you struggle to make conversation with each other? What if you think you'll get along with them, but aren't entirely sure? Should you risk hanging out with them anyway to find out, or just play it safe and not ask in the first place? If you do go ahead and invite the person out, here are some examples of ways someone might do it. Assuming the other person is inclined to accept your invitation, each way probably works as well as the others.

It depends more on the context you've gotten to know them in than anything. That way puts it all on the table right away, and the other person has to accept or bow out. What you ask them to do will depend on what you sense they'd be interested in doing.

Like for one person, in one situation, it may seem totally natural to invite them over to your place to hang out on the first occasion you spend time with them. With someone else you may get the feeling that wouldn't be as appropriate: Open-ended invitation Here you're gauging the other person's interest in hanging out.

If they say yes, then you can work out the details soon after one mistake to avoid is getting a yes, and then leaving the other person hanging by not following through. Here you're presenting a somewhat more solid plan, but you're still leaving it a bit open about when you'll do it. If you make a more general offer to hang out, and the other person isn't interested, they may say something like, "Yeah sure, maybe we could do that sometime soon", but then they'll change the subject, and they won't follow up later.

They'll be "busy" if you later try to nail them down in the future. The other way they could turn you down would be to say, "Hm, maybe I'm kind of busy these days" when you initially ask. On the other hand, they may actually be up for hanging out, but you've just caught them in a hectic patch of their lives.

You could always try again later. Usually you'll have a clearer answer once you've asked about three times. You can ask a second time fairly soon, then if they still say no, give it some time before trying once or twice more. If they still can't make it either they're politely brushing you off, or they've shown they've got too much going on to have time for new or closer friends.

This is when your suggestion is pretty solid. The other person has to consider your invitation and let you know their answer fairly soon. Do you want to get something to eat after our evening class? Want to come with me? Want to hang out at my place and watch some TV?

Here the person may turn you down by pointing out some aspect of the proposed plan that doesn't work for them "Oh, I have to work that night", "I've got plans to see that movie with my boyfriend", "I don't know I don't have much money to spend on concerts these days.

Again, you'll get a better sense of their intentions once you've invited them to hang out a couple of times. On the link below you'll find a training series focused on how to feel at ease socially, even if you tend to overthink today.

It also covers how to avoid awkward silence, attract amazing friends, and why you don't need an "interesting life" to make interesting conversation. Click here to go to the free training. This is when you're asking them to do something with you right now, or fairly soon. It can feel a little less nerve-racking to invite someone out this way. When you suggest something spontaneously you can't always expect the other person will be available to go, so it doesn't sting as much if they say no.

You can also save face because you can play the whole thing off like it was some idea that just popped into your head, rather than that you've been planning for two weeks to ask the person to hang out, and you ever so hope they like you.

For example, "Are you free this Sunday? They figure you want to invite them out, but don't know if it's to something they'd be interested in, so they'll hesitate to say they're free for fear of feeling "trapped" into accepting if they admit they're available.

At worst they'll panic and lie about being busy, just to guard against the off chance that you'll try to corner them into an event they don't want to go to. It's better to lead off with the activity you have in mind. The group of people you're inviting out could all know each other fairly well already, and you're trying to join their clique. Or everyone could be fairly new to each other, and you're doing your part to try to form a new social circle. The actual act of inviting a group out is similar to asking a single person to do something.

Some people also find trying to organize a group event less scary, since if it doesn't work out the rejection is more diffuse. It feels like the suggestion itself fizzled, rather than one person specifically declining to spend time with you. Everyone wasn't just turning you down either, they were also saying they didn't want to spend time with each other you can even phrase invitations as " We're doing X, want to come?

Alternatively, some people find extending an invitation to a group more stressful, since if their suggestion goes nowhere, they feel like a whole bunch of people is passing judgment on them. What's different with group invitations is what happens after they start considering the plan.

When you invite one person out they either say yes or no. If they say yes then you've only go to work out the specifics of the get together with them.

When you invite a group more goes into getting the plan fleshed out. Some people may say yes, some might say no. The plan may go through a few different permutations before everyone agrees on it. If you don't have much of an existing social circle you can't do this.

However, if you have this option it's probably the lowest stakes way to extend someone an invitation. You're not asking from any kind of position of neediness. If anything you're the one offering them an opportunity. If they say no, you were still going to hang out with your other friends anyway.

If you're not sure if you'll click with them you're also not stuck with them one-on-one if it turns out you really don't have that much chemistry. They may even feel the same way, and know they can chat to your friends if you don't have much to say to each other as you might have thought. If you go this route, someone may turn you down just because they're not comfortable with the idea of meeting a whole bunch of people they don't know and feeling they have to make a good impression on them.

Once they've hung out with someone a few times, and the new friendship feels more solid, I think most people are okay with making further invitations. One place where they can get nervous is if they haven't talked to someone in a while. Even after as little as a few weeks they may feel weird contacting them again and seeing if they want to do something.

They may worry about whether the relationship has changed, or if the pause in contact has had a negative effect.

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3 Ways to Ask Someone to Hang Out - wikiHow

Either way, you should direct your friend-making energy elsewhere. Not everyone you seem to click with will be up for a closer relationship. The 'about three tries' rule is simplistic, and sometimes accidentally screens out people who could have been friends, but just happened to have other plans each time you invited them out. However, if someone really wanted to befriend you they'd find a way. Most of the time the rule keeps you from wasting too much time on people who aren't a good fit.

Note that just because someone isn't up for a closer friendship with you, it doesn't necessarily mean they totally hate you. They may like chatting to you at work or at larger get togethers, but just don't think you have quite enough in common to be tighter one-on-one buddies. You don't have to start avoiding them completely. You can stay friendly on a more casual level. Even though it's a really common way for two friends to spend time together, inviting someone to hang out one-on-one for the first time often makes people the most nervous.

What if they say no? What if the person agrees to go out, but then things are awkward and you struggle to make conversation with each other? What if you think you'll get along with them, but aren't entirely sure? Should you risk hanging out with them anyway to find out, or just play it safe and not ask in the first place? If you do go ahead and invite the person out, here are some examples of ways someone might do it. Assuming the other person is inclined to accept your invitation, each way probably works as well as the others.

It depends more on the context you've gotten to know them in than anything. That way puts it all on the table right away, and the other person has to accept or bow out.

What you ask them to do will depend on what you sense they'd be interested in doing. Like for one person, in one situation, it may seem totally natural to invite them over to your place to hang out on the first occasion you spend time with them. With someone else you may get the feeling that wouldn't be as appropriate: Open-ended invitation Here you're gauging the other person's interest in hanging out.

If they say yes, then you can work out the details soon after one mistake to avoid is getting a yes, and then leaving the other person hanging by not following through. Here you're presenting a somewhat more solid plan, but you're still leaving it a bit open about when you'll do it.

If you make a more general offer to hang out, and the other person isn't interested, they may say something like, "Yeah sure, maybe we could do that sometime soon", but then they'll change the subject, and they won't follow up later.

They'll be "busy" if you later try to nail them down in the future. The other way they could turn you down would be to say, "Hm, maybe I'm kind of busy these days" when you initially ask.

On the other hand, they may actually be up for hanging out, but you've just caught them in a hectic patch of their lives. You could always try again later. Usually you'll have a clearer answer once you've asked about three times. You can ask a second time fairly soon, then if they still say no, give it some time before trying once or twice more.

If they still can't make it either they're politely brushing you off, or they've shown they've got too much going on to have time for new or closer friends. This is when your suggestion is pretty solid. The other person has to consider your invitation and let you know their answer fairly soon. Do you want to get something to eat after our evening class? Take a deep breath. Being cool is all about being relaxed and comfortable in any circumstance.

Don't lose your cool. If you feel yourself about to lose your temper, or burst into tears, or lose control in any way, take a deep breath and excuse yourself. Don't use bad behavior to get attention. There are many people who take up smoking, drinking, bullying, and other bad habits. Most often, this comes from negative reinforcement. After doing something bad, a person may be "rewarded" with attention.

It is easy to misinterpret attention as popularity, even if it's for doing something wrong. If you want to be cool, you need to know your limits. You should never substitute negative attention for really being cool. Most of the time, the people who have bragging competitions about law-breaking and bonging beer do not fit into the category of cool. If a group of people doesn't like you for who you are and the lifestyle you've chosen, move on.

Real cool people know how to be cool without the influence of drugs and alcohol. Don't smoke- it won't make you cool- it will make you smell bad. Other smokers won't notice the bad smell because they smell the same way. When you smoke you will most likely hang out with other smokers, and this limits your selection of boyfriends and girlfriends because most non-smokers hate the smell of smoke and won't want to be around you.

Don't judge smokers- just don't take up a habit you will eventually pay someone to help you quit. When you're cool, you realize winning an argument is pointless. When you know you're right you just know it. You don't need to waste time, effort and energy by attempting to persuade someone who hasn't seen the things you have seen. Fun, intellectual stimulation, a pony ride, a job… Be a person of action, not a person of ideas.

Of course, thinking things through before jumping the gun is a great trait. But thinking things through and then not doing anything won't get you anywhere.

Remember that people are your equals. Even a group of people is equal to you. If you're talking to a potential employer, a group of wealthy donors, a child, a stranger, the president of the United States, or an attractive guy or girl, for example, remember they are neither better than you or worse than you are. They should be treated as you should be treated. Be respectful of other people, but expect that they will accept you as such. When someone is disrespectful to you, ignore them until they figure it out.

Not as if you didn't hear your antagonist, but casually and conversationally disregard their remarks. There is a reason that they didn't show respect towards you or the person didn't do what you asked of them. People may be rude to you because they are unhappy, someone hurt them recently, you were disrespectful towards them, or because they were never taught the correct way to act around people.

But always know it is for a reason, be willing to find out what the reason is as long as you want them to respect you. Senses of humor vary wildly. Have faith in your friends. The personality traits you despise in yourself may be the very quirks they find endearing. Let them decide instead of presenting an incomplete version of yourself to the world. If you want to be cool, then you have to believe that the people around you genuinely like you and find your relationship meaningful. Remember that it's not cool to hang out with people who you think are cool just because you think it'll make you cool by proxy.

Life doesn't work that way. Don't be afraid to be different. Whether that means standing up for yourself, defending someone else, or taking interest in something that no one else does, like playing an instrument, try to be different and stand out.

The coolest people are the ones who occasionally break against the tide and make people question the status quo. Insecure people will, at times, become jealous of you. These people will try to get to you, in an attempt to take the attention off of you and bestow it upon themselves. The important thing to remember is not to smile in weakness; just ignore them. There's a difference in letting people's judgments affect your self esteem , and being aware of how you come off to others.

What you are really doing is being aware of how you look from another person's perspective. In terms of physical appearance: Definitely be aware of your body language at all times; analyzing body language can be a useful tool in knowing how to present yourself. Knowing how you come off during school, during a soccer match, or at a party can help you have a sense of what people think of you, and to adjust your actions accordingly. It doesn't mean that you have to change for you are, but if you're at a party, it's good to notice if you're completely dominating a conversation and even boring people so you can back off a bit.

Constantly telling yourself that you're not good at socializing creates anxieties that play on your mind the next time you converse with someone.

You then focus on said anxieties, and the whole thing becomes one big cycle of self-fulfillment. If you're always nervous about what can go wrong in a social situation, you won't be able to appreciate things that are going right. If you're nervous or anxious, other people will be able to tell, and they will feed off of your nervous energy, creating even more anxiety.

Instead, be calm and make people feel like they are more calm in your presence and they will be drawn to you. It's okay to freak out to a trusted friend if you need to once in a while. Just don't get a reputation for being a person who is always freaking out. Present yourself in a positive way. Walk with good posture and look people in the eye. If you slump or stare at your feet, people won't respect you. You have to look and feel confident in order to receive the respect you need. Don't walk too fast either because it looks like you are running away.

Be a habitual, unrepentant over-smiler, with every grin being a genuine one. If you smile when you meet someone, you instantly appear confident, friendly and relaxed. Confident, friendly, relaxed people are much more appealing than their uptight compadres. Being fit will raise your self-esteem and will make you look at the world in a more positive light. This doesn't mean that you need a six pack to be cool, but it does mean that taking care of your body is definitely cool.

Try to exercise regularly, go to the gym, or play a sport and keep in good shape. Having the energy to be involved in many things is something that not everyone is born with, so try to work out.

You will see results if you work hard. Know that you will never be able to please everyone. Try hard, but don't be so concerned with judging yourself or being judged by others. People have millions of ways to get under your skin.

Learn to spot them and become immune. Be happy with yourself and do what you enjoy. Be sure to brush your teeth every morning and every night.

And whenever you can, even after lunch. Wear perfume if you're a girl and spray on a bit, just a bit of cologne if you're a boy. Shower every day and wear deodorant. Also use lotion so that your skin is not ashy and put on some lip balm if your lips are dry. You should wash your face every morning to keep fresh and pimple free.

You don't have to spend hours on your looks each day to be cool. But hey, 20—30 minutes spent showering and grooming won't kill you. Project confident body language. If you want to look cool, then your body has to project confidence at all times. If you're talking to someone, make eye contact, use your hands to gesture, and sit or stand with good posture. Smile, even if you're feeling a little nervous, and don't fidget with your hands or look at the floor when you're talking to someone, or you won't look like you believe what you say.

Find your own style. As long as your personality shines through, you can wear whatever you like. Make plans for the following weekend. Throughout the week, people may have set schedules, but they are often more open on weekends.

If you typically only see people in a weekday environment, ask them to do something over the weekend. This gives you morning, afternoon, and night times to work with. Would you want to hit up the shooting range on Friday after work? Ask them to go to an upcoming meal. If you are at work or getting out of class around lunch time, ask the person if they want to eat lunch together.

If you both packed your lunch, you could sit and eat together. Otherwise, ask the person if they want to go out for lunch together. If you leave a party late at night, ask if they want to grab some late night food at a nearby diner. Transition from class or a meeting into hanging out. Take advantage of this gap in their schedule. Do you want to come hang out? Get in the habit of inviting people to come along with you wherever you are going. After a while, they will get used to you asking and eventually they will say yes and join you.

Invite him to go do something with you, whether it's a date or just casually hanging out. Not Helpful 2 Helpful 1. My BFF has a new friend and always talks about her.

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